for the free spirited

8/17/22

nothing new, nothing special.

…i’ve taken to making smaller meals for myself which i think my body appreciates. a lot actually.

been mowing.

all day

yesterday too.

except that it’s working better today. because barefoot farmer fixed it, bless him. also possibly because i’m in slightly less crazy grass.

pictures, paintings, moments…

the haze of dust, swirling on my right, framing, romanticizing, and dancing with the purple alfalfa and clover blooms

moments before the mower murders them.

a simple white butterfly resting a moment on an alfalfa flower, framed by yellow mullein blossoms behind

praying mantis’ scuttling to get away, or flying in their fairy-like form.

or giant gentle bumble bees, also on the purple alfalfa, being artists in my eyes while doing whatever giant gentle bumble bees do.

all these moments before the mower passes over

i don’t look back.

except to check how close i am to the trees. just what’s necessary.

if i’m being honest, life feels pretty meaningless right now.

i’m among a people i love, in a most beautiful place… but i am reminded i am not a part of this family. much as i might long to be. much as i had the chance to be.

and truth be told… i don’t want to be. not actually. so what am i so bothered about? remembering i’m merely an employee?

no. no more. be free, little one. these people are also your friends. regardless of the circumstances in or from which you came to be so. you bless their lives with every interaction. do not allow yourself to slip back into this devaluing yourself nonsense rubbish. ‘rubbish dumping prohibited’.

you are sent on purpose. YOU specifically are sent where you are sent for a reason. and you’re still here damnit! so make something of it! i mean don’t ‘make’ something of it… but BE in it! stay in the game! play fearless!

okay thanks for coming to my motivational speech to myself

today was one just like any other

oh the me of June fourteenth.

damnit why did i have to go through old pictures just now. i was looking for the ‘rubbish dumping prohibited’ sign, that’s why. *CRYING EMOJI*

so uh, actually: today was one just like any other. full of turmoil. peaceful, inner, turmoil. like ducks feet under the surface. i feel berserkus.

8/18/22

But at the end of it. I had a fearless, needed, conversation. And today I listened to The Untethered Soul. All day.

And so I stand. I carry on.