for the free spirited

a small record of the night of august the 8th

splish, schploof, the dust poofs unseen in the dark with each step, cooling my bare feet. the moon is bright, but i cannot enjoy it just now.. the light of the headlamp my friend lent me distracts.. i am looking for something.

what is a phone anyway? not important, right?

i’m not letting myself consider what if it’s actually gone. i know i must find it, i know it must be somewhere on this path.

but you know when you know? but you don’t know? when like, faith… is a question mark? when your belief in something is more of a desperate hope rather than a certain faith…

as i walk i’m musing… is this is Father taking away “my privileges” because i didn’t “do my chores”?

but mostly i’m just praying… please help me find it.

damnit it could be anywhere! who knew how far it might have flown from the path on the crazy daredevil driven 4-wheeler ride i’d just been on.

but i kept walking, sweeping the light from side to side, on the path and several feet out into the array of dry wildlife or both sides.

at one point i kneel… i don’t know what i say but i’m praying that i find it.

a thought eventually came to me of a particularly bumpy part of the ride that it might have fallen out at or just after, and i walk on, though not with any certain hope of finding it still, following intuition and wherever i feel to search on the sides of the path, but aiming in my mind for that spot

there it is, the spot that is… i can see the mini jump several yards ahead and sudden apprehension fills me. what if it’s not there?

i stop and just stand for a moment, no longer looking.

i breathe

i take my uncertain mind in hand and imagine myself finding my phone. i imagine the relief and gratitude that would wash over me when i saw it. and i stand and just feel that for a moment.

then without further thought i walk on

and

not five paces from where I stopped

there it was.

face up in the dust.

i immediately knelt and felt and prayed my gratitude, as i had imagined i would a mere matter of seconds ago

alas i could not take a picture of it as it lay, but as i laughed with relief as i picked it up, i saw that it left an impression on the earth… just as it did on me?